How Jesus Found Me

I grew up in a home of disfunction, yelling and screaming. My dad was an alcoholic, not knowing how to deal with his anger and pain. He drank to escape. My mom had a lot of fears, some towards men.  And didn't want to be alone. How I felt and thought about myself was similar.  Kids learn by example,  it showed up in my relationships with men also.  Looking for love in all the wrong places so the song goes.  Allowing men to use and abuse me because I didn't know any better and thought that was what I deserved.  Didn't have a good self worth, a healthy one anyway.  

I grew up in church and believed there was a God but didn't KNOW HIM.  Now I know I wasn't born again. I only knew a religion, not a relationship with God. I was at rock bottom and started to turn to my Bible,  reaching out to God the best way I knew how. God started to reach me in the hell I was in.  I opened my Bible in my bedroom and mentioned to God. I cant do this!  I felt like HIS word was to say be perfect.  And I knew I couldn't keep HIS standard.  Then one day I was in the shower HE shattered my heart in pieces.  HE emptied me of myself, to where all I was, was a shell.  

As I was walking through the kitchen I heard Jesus call my name!  HE always talks to me unexpectedly so I knew it was HIM.   And I asked HIM.  Me?  You want me?  HE moved me out of state into a new beginning.  I became a new creation in Christ.  Learning HIS unconditional love and mercy for me.  HE sent the Holy Spirit and filled me of HIM to whom I couldn't wait to learn and know!  And how HE revealed Jesus to me.  I learned I don't have to keep HIS standards,  Jesus died on the cross and paid the price for me.   

It has been about 20 years since HE called me. HE has healed my heart, healed my past, and now showing me how to love myself in a healthy way.  Also,  how to love and forgive others ( past and present)  It's a lifelong process with HIM and HE is so faithful!  



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