A MOTHER'S WORST NIGHTMARE by Jennifer Crane
My name is Jennifer Crane. I am a 48 year old mother of 4, 2 boys and 2 girls. All over age 16. My children are my life and the thought of them not being with me scared me to death. Well 6 years ago that became a reality to me. Let me start from the beginning, when my oldest was 15 she began having severe headaches and back pain. So much so that they woke her out of a dead sleep. Unfortunately she lived with her dad and I was limited to what I could do for her other than tell her to tell her dad she needed to see a Dr.
Well after several months of enduring extreme pain and listening to her dad tell her it was because she was overweight, she had a fever of 103 and lost 90 pounds in 2 months, her dad finally took her to the dr. After spending a week in the hospital and enduring many tests they discovered what was wrong. The Dr came in her hospital room and said the four words a mother fears the most. "Your child has cancer."
Hannah was given a 25% chance of survival and she began rigorous routines of chemo and radiation, spending a majority of her time in the hospital. After fighting for a year, she went into remission and we were able to enjoy many things and as the Lord would allow her father gave custody back to me. We celebrated life and for almost a year we thought we had beat it. In april of 2014, Hannah's make a wish was granted and she and her sister and grandmother and myself spent a week in Hollywood California. Little did we know that this would be our last trip together and our lives were about to change drastically. When we returned home from Hollywood I received a call from her oncologist and my heart sank as I heard her say "its back". I asked what our next steps were and she informed me there would be no further steps as the cancer had spread throughout her body. My sweet Hannah became bedridden and turned 17 May 3rd as she was fighting for her life.
She gave up that fight and went home to be with the Lord May 15 at 6pm. I was devastated, thinking I would never make it through this, and many times it was extremely difficult. I felt so lost and alone, like a piece of me was missing. I tried to end my life on 3 separate occasions over the next 2 years. I just couldn't go on without my baby girl. I went through months of counseling and began listening to praise music and remembering times with Hannah and I realized I was not honoring her memory. Through out the entire time with cancer, Hannah never complained and always had a smile on her face. I knew that if she could do that and be a testimony, I could do that too. I found the strength in Jesus Christ and in Hannah's memory to move on and allow my experience to be a testimony and help others. There are still many times I miss her but I was blessed with 17 years, then God took his daughter back home with Him. Before Hannah passed away, she was writing a novel and her dream was to have it published. Her two best friends completed the story and I am attempting to have it published. I do have a go fund me account set up in Hannah's name and the book is already at the publisher but I can not afford to do it as I am now disabled and live on a fixed income. I hope and pray to make Hannah's dream come true.
It has been 6 years this may and sometimes it seems like yesterday, but I have a wall dedicated to Hannah in my home and remember happy times and if she can be strong and smiling at the absolute worst time in anyone's life then I can keep smiling and carry on in her name.
Hannah Beth Mattive
The Fundraising for Hannah's dream will be turn into a college scholarhsip.
For more information Email Jennifer Crane.
Support the college scholarship (Hannah's dream) here
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